Poem: The Things that Keep Our Hearts Apart

Standard

Digging through some old stuff this morning and found a poem written several years ago. I’m thinking someone might relate.

Folks have called me brave but the scariest thing I ever did was going into the throne room, covered in the mess of my life and staying at the feet of the Holy One who made the stars. 

***

Born for this other place, tucked away inside Your heart.

You pierce the cellophane holding me captive to this narrow

little world and I see— Your eyes, crinkled at the corners.

Bathed in kindness,

backlit with mercy.

Anything, my Lord. Just say the word.

You sit, take my hands and smile that smile I love beyond bearing.

You’re after something.

What will it be this morning?

My humiliation with the oatmeal?

Shame on toast.

I reach inside, toss corruption at Your feet but You aren’t distracted.

Who am I kidding?

You know the particulars that keep my heart insulated from Yours.

You held a penitent sinner, forgave my transgressions with a sigh of negation long time passing.

You cleaned away shame on a couch long ago, holding tight, wiping my mouth while I spit blood and renounced the works of darkness.

So what keeps us apart?

I wanted to do better. I promised You more.

A pledge of faithfulness beneath a bleeding tree—

–Broken on impact.

Your eyes speak forgiveness but this fickle memory spits out data while Your arms caress my back.

Your faithfulness reminds me of my failing.

Wandering eyes. A harlot’s heart.

You deserve better.

Kindness, goodness, virtue.

Not a snarling hellcat with a thousand regrets packed in a suitcase, banging on Your door.

I throw myself at You because I cannot suffer apart from You a moment longer.

This mercy lies beyond understanding. How can You look at me that way? Your eyes full of longing, Your hands more eager than my own?

And so You dig.

You hold out hands scarred by my failures

ask for things Your sacred eyes should never see.

You say You’ll have it all, not one held back.

Because I trust You—

Because every word is Truth—

Because I can’t live apart from You one moment longer.

I’m staying right here, holding this hand, holding You to my heart.

I choose to believe You want this woman.

Mercy beyond reason.

I’ll never understand Your kindness in this lifetime.

So You’re stuck with me, how does that feel?

I’ll throw myself against Your side a million times until

the ugly keeping our hearts apart jars loose, piling

up at Your feet. Until it’s on the floor, out of our way, crushed

beneath heels strengthened with favor.

I’m never going anywhere without You again.

Advertisements

8 responses »

  1. Ida Mae – Beautiful. Thank you for sharing that very personal poem.
    I read a verse the other day I think you might like:
    Psalm 85:10 ” Unfailing love and truth have met together. Righteousness and peace have kissed”

  2. I used to hate poetry – thought it was for wimps. All you have to do is get knocked around enough in life and — the language of the soul starts to come out. Thanks, Ida Mae.

    • Me too, Jeff.

      This stuff is more free verse– all first draft, all from a time of intense internal suffering. I couldn’t write prose any longer, but these came out by the dozens. Sometimes I run across one in an old journal and wonder if anyone else can relate. Most are just too personal to share but that’s why God created password protection 🙂

  3. Ida Mae
    With my everyday prose, I can’t express how wonderful this poem is. Thank you.

    How many believers have been in that place, but never been able to put it into words!
    God has gifted you, dear sister.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s