Recommended: What About the Children? by Cindy Burrell

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Wonderful post over at Verbal & Emotional Abuse by Cindy Burrell:

For an abuse victim who dares to reveal to her friends and family members her inclination to leave her abuser, she often hears something quite different than what the pastor asserted. She will more likely hear, “What about the children?”

There it is: an emotional trump card, a ticking time bomb. Any convictions about escaping the emotional harm she and her children might face on a daily basis are at once upended and she finds herself catapulted into visions of an unavoidably disastrous future. Could it be that perhaps separating from the abuser will only make things worse? Is it true that a child is better off in an abusive household where both parents are present than in a broken home?

Really appreciate the insights from someone further down the road. You can read the rest of the article here.

Prehistoric warm blooded bear-like creature that has nothing to do with Cindy’s post.

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7 responses »

  1. People have good intentions….I struggled with “what about the children” for many years. i even had the conversation with myself that i could leave AFTER they were all grown up. When our lives became too chaotic to stay, three years ago, I left my abusive husband. I can say, my teenage children are emotionally, spiritually and physically much better off than they were when our family was intact. My son was almost always angry, moody, couch potato. At nearly 20 now, he is living on his own well, working, going to school, loving Jesus and happiest I’ve ever seen him. My now 17 year old daughter struggled with depression and had some ongoing health problems that weren’t being addressed when we were living in oppression and abuse. She also spent most of her time at home in her room to avoid getting “in trouble”. She no longer needs meds for depression and I’ve been able to get help for her medical issues and she is loving Jesus and at peace with our new life. That’s my experience and thought I’d share it. I know God has been walking us through our healing process.

    • Thanks, Kay–

      I really do appreciate hearing your experience. The kids are always such a big concern and it’s so hard to know what to do sometimes.

  2. I have recently discovered your blog. Thank you for sharing your story. This happens way more in the church that people want to believe. You were able to put into words what I have not. I hope you come back and blog more.

  3. Ida, I found your blog 2 days ago, and I’ve read through the entire thing. My heart resonates with yours in your story. I know you haven’t updated in months, but I would love to know how you are. We are all kin. Praying for you and your kidlets today.

    • Hi there,

      I’m doing well, thank you. I had to step down for a bit and let the divorce proceedings do their thing. Hopefully soon I can write a full update.

      God is good and He’s taken very good care of me and mine. He’s provided miraculously and made good on His promise to care for the fatherless and husbandless.

      I’m working fulltime now at a job I love and make enough to pay rent on a sweet little place that needs lots of love and trips to the thrift shop. I read lots of other blogs most every day but just don’t comment much, trying to be quiet and let healing have its way in my own heart and in the children.

      Just a little bit longer and I’ll be back, ready to spill~

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